Emotional Overload

1. Ezra's 3rd birthday party was amazing. Perfect weather, great friends, and so much fun for him. We did a pirate theme, under the sea. 





















2. Ezra's little friend Tristian 19 mo, died a few hours after the birthday party in his sleep. I'm still not sure where my emotions are suppose to be on this one. My heart is broken and praying comfort on the family and friends of the McCann family

3. Today Oct. 1st we signed the papers and the keys are ours!

4. Moving in this Saturday!

I'd like to write more I just don't have it in me right now. There's still much more to write about forgiveness...think I will really need to forgive God for this one.

Week 2 – 3 in Forgiveness

In todays reading Paul says that there is a reset, a way to go back and wipe away the past, and that Jesus makes it so that those things we regret are not a part of our identity anymore, putting off our old selfs. It is true I really am not that person anymore. Coming back to Bozeman I can see clearly I am on the person who left when I was 19. I am completely transformed and changed and am sooooo glad that I am. 

So part of that new person is learning this forgiveness thing.



W E E K   2


How to Know You've Totally Forgiven

Joseph had plenty to be bitter about; sold into slavery, falsely accused of sexual harassment, put into jail, yet he never complained about those that did this to him. 

Gen 45:1–15
Joseph TOTALLY forgave his brothers.

How to know you've totally forgive

1 You don't TELL Psalm 103:2

Micah 7:19 NLT "Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under our feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!"

2 You don't  use FEAR WORDS as a WEAPON 1 John 4:18, Romans 8:15 Perfect love expels all fear

3 You don't want them to forgive THEMSELVES Romans 8:28

4 You let them SAVE FACE

5 You don't use their SECRETS TO MANIPULATE or BLACKMAIL them. Psalm 51:4

7 You forgive them for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Gen 50:14–21 

Memorize Micah 7:19


W E E K   3

Matthew 6:9–15
Definition of Forgive = To let be or to send away

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

1 John 1:6
If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 

If I don't forgive

> Although I'm saved, I won't have FELLOWSHIP WITH THE FATHER
> Although I'm adopted intO the family of God, I won't have INTIMACY WITH CHRIST
> Although I'm justified, I won't be ANOINTED BY THE SPIRIT
> Although I go to heaven, I may loose my ETERNAL REWARD 2 John 1:18

P R O B L E M
Everybody wants to go to HAVEN but not everyone wants to have FELLOWSHIP WITH THE FATHER

When I DON'T FORGIVE
1 The Holy Spirit is GRIEVED Eph 4:30
2 I am left to MYSELF Prov 14:14
3 I am outwitted by SATAN 2 Cor 2:10–11
4 God becomes my ENEMY James 4:1–4

What kinds of hurt do you need to forgive?
As for me I need to forgive the unintentional (seems to be the easier one for me) And the INTENTIONAL. 

Memorize
1 John 1:6

C O N C L U S I O N 

I think I have come to a place for forgiveness in my heart against the one person who intentionally hurt me and rejected me with out a good reason. I know I've forgiven her as I can look at her picture without pain. I can think about her without the hole in my heart, it has been replaced with love and a desire for her to grow and change and live the life Christ has called her too. Once in a while I find myself wishing or hoping she'd come around and apologize, but mostly that is because I miss my friend, I miss the relationship we had. And though I know it will never be the same again, I am hopeful that someday we can reconcile, but if we never do then that is alright because my forgiveness lasts a lifetime. 

I am excited to announce two things. First I created a portfolio website. It's not completely done yet but it is up and running. 

http://cargocollective.com/penlandmfaportfolio

Second thanks to my husband the Mag + program is working and my thesis will be on the ipad!!!

Today I created a portfolio website, it's about half done. Take a look.

http://cargocollective.com/penlandmfaportfolio

Using a new program today...Mag+

This should allow me to create my ipad books with inDesign layouts, no coding and testability on any device I want. As great as this feature is the company is fairly new, and doesn't have very good tutorials or a users manual. I am so frustrated with it but am going to press on as this is the best, and freest way to make ipad applications without having to pay for publishing software. I'm pretty sure there are some technical aspects of wireless devices I just don't understand. And when Mike gets home I'm sure he'll have it figure out in a jiffy.  

I'm not too impressed with their logo. The plus doesn't seem to line up with anything, black is a bit overpowering and the orange back ground use in a box, seen it before. 

On a good note the again this is free, and the tools with the plugins seem to be very well designed. I just need a minor miracle to figure out how to get it to work.  
:D

Forgiveness

Something we all know we need to do. Something that is not easy but necessary. 

We started a 7 week series at church 

In today's Bible reading David is asking for help from God in the psalms about a betrayal.  

I was betrayed by my best friend and having moved away there is no good way for reconciliation, nor is she ready as she doesn't have any idea that cutting me out of her life was wrong. She knows it hurt me but that is the extent of it. I had never been hurt quite like this before without sound reasoning, with just a gesture of something that had changed. I look back now and see that his was an attack on my spirit and what God had planned for me and my family. It breaks my heart still, not as bad of a sting when it happened but a profound sadness of what we could have had and will never have again. I wrote out Pastor Russ's sermon and hope to work through these things in the next 7 weeks as we go into detail about them. I had no idea until this series and the Bible reading today that I had not totally forgiven my once friend. 


What is total Forgiveness

Eph 4:30-32 
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ Forgave YOU.

Mark 15:12-32
Story of Pilate and Jesus 

Luke 23:34
Jesus says, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting.


1. Total Forgiveness is letting the person who hurt you Off the Hook

2. Total Forgiveness is, they won't get caught or found out

3. Total Forgiveness is, Nobody will ever know what they did.

4. Total Forgivenss is hoping they will prosper and be blessed as if they had done nothing wrong. Col 3:13


Total F O R G I V E N E S S IS NOT... 
1. is NOT Proving John 8:11 story of Jesus not condemning the woman
2. is NOT Excusing Num 14:11
3. is NOT Justifying Num 14:11 
4. is NOT Denying Num 14:11 The Lord said to Moses, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they   refuse to believe in me,in spite of all the signs I have performed among them?
5. is NOT Forgetting Heb 8:12 For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

6. is NOT Pretending

7. is NOT Refusing to take the wrong seriously

8. is NOT Removing the consequences

9. does NOT mean you have to reconcile with them.

Total F O R G I V E N E S S IS... 
1. IS keeping no record of wrongs 1 Cor. 13:5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
2. IS Refusing to punish
3. IS Not telling what they did
4. IS Being meaningful — not getting what they deserve 
5. IS being gracious — Getting what they don't deserve
6. IS an INNER condition
7. IS an absence of Bitterness

We are one step closer to owning our first home. We locked down our interest rate, and it was a good one. Three more weeks until closing!

On the thesis front I've finished three books and hope to finish up the  last two books today. I'm a bit behind on my weekly schedule but am alright for the month. Here's to a fantastic Work Day Friday. 

Journal of Sorts

Testing this Idea

Many of you my friends have been asking for me to write you and let you know what's going on and I find myself out of time and energy to respond to each person individually. So I thought I'd share some of my thoughts and activities on a blog. I'll try to update this regularly, and I intend to take no more then a few minutes. My motto is stick to the essentials, design, and unique beauty. 

Quick Blip about the Summer

> Moved to Montana in June 2012

> Bought a house and it closes on Ezra's birthday, Oct. 1st 2012

> Ezra's birthday is coming up. 3 years old!! and he's very excited. We are doing a pirate theme, but focusing on the octopus and under the sea treasure. 

> Started a graphic design ministry at Connect Church  

Thesis sites | though I haven't updated that in a while either, will do so soon

http://newlifethesis.posterous.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/New-Life-A-Woman-Centered-Birth/237945416227983'

Personal Sites

http://pinterest.com/spmama